


Whole

by The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight



Series: Celestial Songs [16]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: AkuSai Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), Axel Day, Bonus Day, Celestial Songs, Hurt/Comfort, Inner Dialogue, Lea Day, LeaIsa Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), Light Angst, Love, M/M, Musical Prompt Playlist, Post-Canon, Songfic, Songs of the Sun and Moon, post kh3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:26:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25788043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight/pseuds/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight
Summary: Spending his days in Twilight Town is almost bittersweet. Sitting back and watching the kids run around with the other residents… Watching the kids be just that: Kids. It’s hard for Lea to believe that they’ve made it this far. That they’ve made it here. There’s still a lot going on that’ll never allow them to lead completely normal lives, but Lea can’t say he’s complaining. A little excitement is a good thing.
Relationships: Isa & Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Celestial Songs [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820650
Kudos: 14





	Whole

**Author's Note:**

> Song Used: "I Have Made Mistakes" by The Oh Hello's
> 
> August 8th ~ Bonus Lea/Axel 
> 
> ~~~~
> 
> I decided to kinda make this one connected with "Never Break," the very first prompt I wrote for Isa/Saïx Day. They still both work as a standalone, of course, but I figured I would kinda continue that one from Lea's POV (feels like better closure for me lol) x3

_I have made mistakes_

_I have made mistakes, I continue to make them_

_And the promises I’ve made_

_The promises I’ve made, I continue to break them_

_And all the doubts I’ve faced_

_All the doubts I’ve faced, I continue to face them_

_But nothing is a waste_

_Nothing is a waste if you learn from it…_

Spending his days in Twilight Town is almost bittersweet. Sitting back and watching the kids run around with the other residents… Watching the kids be just that: _Kids_. It’s hard for Lea to believe that they’ve made it this far. That they’ve made it here. There’s still a lot going on that’ll never allow them to lead completely normal lives, but Lea can’t say he’s complaining. A little excitement is a good thing.

As he watches the kids—Roxas, Xion, Naminé—he can’t help but wonder what might be going through their own heads. Do they think about the past as often as he does? Do they let it overwhelm them and overtake their dreams at night? Because Lea still thinks about all the things that he did wrong. All the lies he told. How he had manipulated them. Even if the kids have forgiven him, he’s not sure he’ll ever forgive himself. Then again, the last thing he wants is to spend his second chance at life holding a grudge. One against himself, better yet. This is supposed to be a fresh start. A clean slate. That’s part of why he became a Keyblade wielder, after all. To make up for all he had done wrong. Not that he’s much of a Guardian. Tch.

He can’t help but think back to the graveyard battle. At how easily Xemnas had knocked him down. Lea had been so _weak_. He had let nearly everyone down. Practically forcing Roxas and Xion to step in for him. He had never felt more pathetic. Of course, he would never admit this to anyone. They would all tell him he’s wrong and overthinking it and that he had fought as hard as he could, but… He knows the truth. He knows he had only been a moment away from failing.

Sometimes he feels like he shouldn’t even be here.

“Lea?” Naminé’s voice suddenly breaks through his thoughts.

He shakes his head and looks up at her. “What’s up?”

“You seem distracted.”

“Nah, I’m fine.”

Roxas folds his arms across his chest, quirking an eyebrow. “You’re lying. Now that you have a heart again, you’re not as good at it anymore.”

Lea scratches the back of his head, chuckling. “Yeah, well…”

“C’mon, we’re heading to the clock tower,” Xion then says. “Just the four of us.”

He smiles softly. “Sounds perfect.”

So, they make their way for the clock tower. Roxas and Xion take the lead, but Naminé stays behind with Lea. He has his gaze set straight ahead of him on where he’s walking, but he can still feel Naminé’s gaze on him.

“You know you can talk to any of us about anything, right?” she soon speaks up.

He swallows hard. “I know.” He looks down at her. “Thank you.”

She smiles up at him before catching up with Roxas and Xion. He lets them get ahead, but then they’re waiting for him at the station plaza. They head up to the top of the clock tower together, Roxas in the lead. Lea still takes his time. As soon as he reaches the top, he sees the kids already sitting in their respective spots. He smiles softly, but that smile grows the moment he turns the corner and sees—

  
“Isa,” he breathes.

Isa is sitting at the other end—in his respective spot—and he waves at Lea. He’s pretty sure he’s grinning ear-to-ear at this point. And probably blushing. Isa just has that sort of effect on him. Hmm. Maybe he isn’t the reason Roxas and Xion came back, but he is the reason Isa returned. And that’s good enough for him. More than enough. Because Isa is—Well…

Isa is his proof that everything will be okay.

_And the sun, it does not cause us_

_The sun, it does not cause us to grow_

_It is the rain that will strengthen_

_The rain that will strengthen your soul_

_It will make you whole…_

The kids are gone, leaving just Lea and Isa watching the remainder of the sunset. They’re quiet at first, but that’s fine with Lea. He’s comfortable enough with Isa to not feel the need to fill the silence with mindless chatter. Although, it’s never mindless between the two of them. Every word they speak to each other is significant in one way or another. Even if it may not seem so to anyone else.

“How’s Radiant Garden?” Lea soon asks. “Everyone doing okay?”

“Yes, they’re all quite well,” Isa says. “Keeping themselves busy.”

“What about you? Are you keeping yourself busy?”

“I’ve been helping out with the Restoration Committee here and there.”

He grins. “Sounds boring.”

Isa laughs softly. “Of course you would think so.”

His smile fades away as he swallows hard. He shouldn’t ask this next question, but what’s stopping him? “Do you miss me enough yet to move to Twilight Town?” Tch. Nothing is stopping him.

Isa stares at him for a moment and he looks like he’s about to say something, but… Then he just sighs and turns his head away as his gaze falls down. That’s enough of an answer for Lea. And it’s the exact answer he had been expecting, which is why he shouldn’t have bothered asking.

“Of course I miss you,” Isa says. “But I’m still not ready to make this move.”

Lea nods his head. It hurts to hear, but he can respect that. Of course he’ll respect it. He doesn’t want to push Isa. Make him uncomfortable. They’re both still adjusting. Working on bettering themselves. Hmm. Lea sits back a bit before laying back completely, bringing both arms up to rest his hands behind his head. He stares at the sky. At the stars starting to shine through. He tries not to think too much about Isa’s response. Almost forgets all about it once Isa is laying beside him with his head resting on Lea’s shoulder. He takes that arm and wraps it around Isa, and he nestles in even closer to him. He closes his eyes, unable to hold back the smile.

It’s moments like these that help Lea to realise that it was all worth it. And he’d do it all over again—the same or different—if it meant always coming to this end. Because there’s no way he would give this up. He wouldn’t change it for all the stars in the sky.

_We have lived in fear_

_We have lived in fear, and our fear has betrayed us_

_But we will overcome_

_We will overcome the apathy that has made us_

_Cuz we are not alone_

_We are not alone in the dark with our demons_

_And we have made mistakes_

_We have made mistakes, but we’ve learned from them…_

As much as Lea didn’t want to spend time thinking about—and as much as he believed he was okay with it—he keeps running Isa’s words through his head. Over and over. _I’m still not ready to make this move_. He’ll never rush Isa, but at this rate… Hell, Lea is just about ready to move back to Radiant Garden instead. He knows he can’t do that, though. He knows Isa wants them to be living separately for a while. That’s the whole purpose for him not moving to Twilight Town yet.

He lets out a heavy sigh. Why does he have to be like this? Why must he be so clingy? He already knows living in different worlds won’t have any sort of dwindling effect on them. It’s already been two months, after all. And they still see each other on a relatively normal basis, but… Lea misses being able to see him every single day. He misses being able to see him whenever he wants. Now they typically have to plan and schedule and—Tch. He can’t believe he’s complaining about this. Things could be so much worse and all he can focus on is not being able to see Isa at the exact moments he wants to.

Man, he’s really taking this all for granted.

Taking a step back, he forces himself to stop thinking about Isa. To stop overthinking. He just needs to breathe and listen to his heart. His heart. It’s there, beating away in his chest. And he needs to trust it. He needs to trust that if he follows it that it will lead him exactly to where he’s meant to be.

Come the afternoon, he’s following the kids around Twilight Town again. This is what most of his days consist of now. It’s better than babysitting them during missions, though. He chuckles at the thought. He must admit, there are certain memories from his time with the Organisation that he’s fond of. But not enough to make him want it back. Not enough to make him miss it.

He stops dead in his tracks. Roxas, Xion, and Naminé keep going, blissfully unaware that Lea has stopped following them. That’s okay, though. He’ll catch up them eventually. Besides, they deserve to get ahead. They deserve to live their lives without the need for Lea being a part of them. After all, he was probably the worst part of all their lives at one point. So, living their lives without him… Well, that’s part of growing up. Growing apart. And now that they’re all together again, he knows it’ll only last for so long.

Maybe it’s meant to be this way. Maybe he’s earned this second chance, but maybe he’s meant to be on his own this time around.

The kids have grown out of sight. Lea is no longer behind them. He takes a deep breath as he turns to leave. To head home. Tch. If he can call it that. He’s not so sure exactly what home is anymore.

When he gets back to his place, he discards his jacket before collapsing onto the couch. He drapes one arm across his face. Over his eyes. What is _wrong_ with him? He should be happy. Grateful. Appreciative. He found his way back out of the darkness. Everyone he cares about made it back, as well. So why does he feel so _lost_? Why does he feel like he’s not doing anything right? Like he’s somehow worse off now, which is a ridiculous notion. He’s so much better off now. As Lea. So why can’t he come to terms with—?

His phone goes off. He reaches into his pocket before lifting his arm to answer it. As soon as the face appears on the screen, he sits bolt upright.

“Isa,” he says. “What’s up?”

“Xion reached out to me saying that she and the others had lost you,” he says. He quirks an eyebrow. “Are you sitting…in the dark?”

He clears his throat. “Guess I forgot to turn the lights on.”

He can see the moment the realisation dawns on Isa. His eyes widen a bit, and he tilts his head. “You’re not doing so well…are you?”

He pinches the bridge of his nose and squeezes his eyes shut, already trying to fight back tears. “I dunno… I feel like—” He inhales sharply through his nose. No. He can’t talk to Isa about this. That just wouldn’t be fair. “I can’t do this right now. Sorry.”

He hangs up the phone and shuts it off. He’s sure he’ll get hell for it later, but he just can’t bring himself to care right now. He can’t bring himself to see why it matters. He’s better off on his own, after all. Not like anyone—No one—Tch.

He needs everyone else more than anyone else needs him.

_And the sun, it does not cause us_

_The sun, it does not cause us to grow_

_It is the rain that will strengthen_

_The rain that will strengthen your soul_

_It will make you whole…_

Lea is still laying on the couch in the dark with his arm draped over his eyes—and his tearstained cheeks—when he hears the front door open and slam shut. He winces more at the sudden flood of light than he does at the sound. He lifts his arm and sits up to see who it could be.

Isa is standing by the front door with his arms folded across his chest and he looks _pissed_. “Now you can’t hang up on me or ignore me.” He pushes Lea’s legs out of the way and sits on the couch. “Talk to me.”

He readjusts his position, avoiding eye contact. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I’m not an idiot. Talk to me like you force me to talk to you.”

He sighs. “I feel like I’m somehow screwing everything up. Like I don’t belong anywhere anymore.”

His brow furrows. “You have to know that’s not true. Xion had reached out to me because she, Roxas, and Naminé are all so worried about you.” He pauses. “They mentioned you haven’t been yourself lately.”

“I dunno… I guess I just don’t know who I am anymore.”

“Now you sound like me.”

Lea chuckles sheepishly. “I’m sorry. You’re right, though. You’re the last person I should be complaining to about all this when you have your own anxieties to deal with. And I’m sure they’re far worse. But I mean, that’s why I didn’t want to talk earlier.”

“So what?” Isa shakes his head. “That doesn’t make your fears any less significant.”

He tilts his head back, resting it on the back of the couch. “Y’know, I’m not saying this to make you feel bad or anything, but… I _hate_ being alone.” He swallows hard. “Every time I’m alone I start thinking and—And I can never think of a good enough reason as to why I should be here.”

“Yet you seem so sure of yourself.” His voice is low. Soft.

He scoffs, though there’s no real heat behind it. “Yeah. And Roxas says I’m no good at lying anymore.”

That’s not as funny as Lea thought it would come across. Isa shifts closer to him, opening his arms. Lea doesn’t think twice about practically pushing himself into his arms. And when they close around him, it’s as if nothing else matters anymore. All his fears and doubts seem to just melt away.

_And, oh, my heart, how can I face you now?_

_When we both know how badly I_

_How badly I have let you down_

_And I am afraid, I am afraid_

_Of all that I’ve built fading away_

If he can’t be in Isa’s arms, at least Lea can bask in the glow of the sunset. As he watches it, he puts a hand to his chest. He feels his heartbeat. Listens to it. After all this time, he’s only just now learning how to appreciate the little things. The little moments. The stolen glances and secret looks. And he can’t help but compare his life now to his life before. His life during the Organisation and before that even. Hell, he had been so afraid of the kids growing up and leaving him behind, but he still has a lot of his own growing up to do.

Sea salt ice cream has never tasted so bittersweet.

He takes a deep breath, his hand dropping from his chest. Even though the light is fading, the colours in the sky are bright. They give Lea and overwhelming sense of protection. Each sunset may bring the end of the day, but it isn’t the ending. Because with each sunset comes the night. And no matter how dark it gets, the sun will always rise. The sun can’t rise without the dark.

He closes his eyes, taking in the fading warmth. Then he hears the shuffling of footsteps. When he opens his eyes again, he sees himself joined by Isa, Roxas, Xion, and Naminé. No one says anything, they all just exchange small smiles. And when he looks over at Isa, his smile grows. They both turn their gaze to the sunset, but it’s not long before Lea feels his fingers interlocking with Isa’s. His heart skips a beat before nearly jumping out of his chest. He gently squeezes Isa’s hand in response.

As the light continues to dim, a soft rain starts to fall. It’s warm. Comforting. It doesn’t bother any of them, for they all remain sitting atop the clock tower. Together.

Soon enough, the sun disappears behind the horizon. Tomorrow is a new day. And each new day is filled with endless possibilities. Lea could wake up tomorrow and everyone could be gone. He could be completely alone and realise that these last couple months have all been some wildly realistic dream. Or he could wake up tomorrow and everything could be exactly the same. He’ll watch the kids run around Twilight Town or maybe he’ll visit Isa in Radiant Garden. Better yet, maybe he’ll wake up with Isa tomorrow. Endless possibilities.

This is still just the beginning. And Lea still has a lot to learn. About himself. About life. About love. But every day is a new chance to grow. And he knows now that he’ll never be alone. And he’ll be reminded of that every time he feels the beat of his heart.


End file.
